Jen Jeffrey Billington: Being Brave

  • Saturday, December 3, 2016
  • Jen Jeffrey Billington
Jen Jeffrey Billington
Jen Jeffrey Billington
After hearing bad news about my Mama’s health, my son Andrew wanted to get me out of the house to go four-wheeling for a bit. I told him I couldn’t go and I needed to work, but he would not take no for an answer. 

I knew deep down that I wanted to go, but I seriously was not going to because I am the only one running my new magazine publication and there is so much to do – I have not been able to take time to have fun.

Even though working IS fun for me – my free-spirit needs to be a part of the earth and leave the walls of my home from time to time to be a part of nature. 

I am very earthy and nothing makes me feel more alive than to be outdoors.

Andrew knows this about me and it was his gift to me – giving me an opportunity to feel alive.
And to do that with my son. How could I keep saying no?

I love that about him. I used to do that with Mama. 

I’d tell her she must put on a hat and go somewhere with me when she’d say she didn’t want to. But after talking her into it – she always had a great time and was glad we went. 

Gosh, it doesn’t seem that long ago when I was leading my little buddy into trying challenging things. I will never forget the first time he kept up with me during a three mile run and he was only eight-years-old. He was a toughie and wanted to do everything I did. 

Somehow we switched roles over the years and instead of me leading him and watching out for him – he now leads me and watches out for me.

I’m 50 and where that may limit a few things I do, I still am young enough to take risk, and have adventures!

Andrew let me use his four-wheeler and he rode my husband’s because Jason’s four-wheeler has a gear shift you have to operate with your foot and it’s not easy for me.

Andrew’s four-wheeler also goes a faster speed so as we took off down the road, I had to be a hot shot and passed him (though it wasn’t really fun because he knew I could go faster and just waved me on).

We headed down a trail towards the creek where I would walk the greyhounds. I still had on the clothes I wore when I conducted an interview that morning, but I didn’t care if I got dirty. 

Showing off, I went through a puddle and immediately saw deep sink holes, but it was too late – I had to ride it out. Bump! Bump! Ughh. 

That hurt a little, but I acted as if I meant to do it. 

We rode along the creek banks through the creek and up and down the woods. Then Andrew took me all over the place - back in parts I had never been and would definitely get lost if I tried it alone. But he has been doing it for over a year and knows the area well.  It was follow the leader now, because I didn’t really know where I was and Andrew was ready to teach me as we went along with safety tips so I could have fun and know what I’m doing. I like that. 

He took me through brush and debris where limbs were poking out everywhere and there was no clear pass--- so NOW I was truly off-roading! Where all the logical points told me, ‘do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars’ – we did! 

It made me feel brave. To go where I had not been, to do what I thought clearly was a no pass zone and yet we did it! 

My son drove across the water and told me to follow exactly where he crossed. 

Well, as I tried to follow his tire tracks in the water – the ripples swiftly moved his trail to the right and by the time I tried to follow them – I shifted to the right too – into a deeper part of the water. 

My first instinct was to stop but Andrew shouted, “Don’t stop!”

So I gave it the gas and luckily I pulled out of the deep water, but Andrew taught me to next time ‘roll’ in deep water – not to gun it. 

We took a steep hill that was a challenge for me, but even more so because at the top of the hill just before heading back down was a fallen tree I had to go under and it barely cleared the four-wheeler much less my head. I had to duck wa-a-ay down until I was nearly kissing the gas tank (and I’m sure any microscopic creature was now in my hair). 

The amber color creek was as blue as the Caribbean with the blue sky’s reflection. It was so beautiful and peaceful.

At first I thought he was crazy to take his 50 year old mama through some of the tight spots, but I did it and I liked it. And we drove through a few more! 

We came up to a flowing part of the creek and saw something terribly heartbreaking. 

A buck and a doe were gutted and left in the water. 

Yes, I love watching the deer around my farm, but it was not about being a sappy chick who hated to see something killed – I respect our need for hunters. But this, was very disrespectful.

Disrespectful of the animals, disrespectful to the land, disrespectful of life and …disrespectful to God our provider. I almost didn’t want to leave the sight without saying some sort of ‘Native American chant’ over the deer … but I didn’t know any. I always loved how Native Americans respected the land and the animals. 

The scene was so fresh just an eerie feeling, like the scene in ‘Dances with Wolves’ where the Sioux found Ta-Tanka slaughtered across the plains and killed only for their hide. I think everything needs to be respected and given gratitude for its life. 

Really nothing we could do, we got back on our four-wheelers and rode some more.

Andrew was patient for me to stop occasionally to take a few photos and lag behind, but for the most part I was right there with him. 

It was funny when we got into a tight spot how I followed him through hard-to-get-through areas in which I would never try by myself. 

At that moment, as I seized the day with my son and put work aside – I was brave. I was brave again. It’s been a long time since I had felt brave and I like that feeling. 

Not in a prideful way, where I would be cocky or that I did something of ‘myself’… because I know God is the one getting me through everything - but it was a feeling of being alive and really living my life - not just existing. Everyone needs to do that. (And as a writer, it gives us material)! 

I would advise any writer who feels writer’s block to step outside of your routine and ‘just do it’ – go on an adventure – walk outdoors and the story will always be there.

We finally came through the hills and thrills and spin outs and splashes of the creek beds, and we came upon an old cemetery. I knew this spot. 

It was where I’d hike with the Greys and I remembered looking across the field with them and seeing a very distant view of our home. It gave me a good feeling then and I wanted to do it again, so I stopped following Andrew and went up on the wooded hill to the clearing to take in the sight once again.

He came over to where I was, and then we rode down through the harvested field toward my house.

Listening to the humming speed of our engines and feeling the cool brisk air on our cheeks, we were halfway through the field when a flock of white birds burst forth in unison from the ground to the sky. It was beautiful! 

When we got to the house my fingers were numb. I hugged my son and thanked him. 

I thanked him for not taking no for an answer and I asked him to always, always do that as I get older. I told him I had to do that same thing to Mama just to break up the stir-crazy of her everyday rituals.  No, she and I didn’t go four-wheeling, but we did what she could do. 

It’s easy to ‘be too busy’ in our everyday lives. It seems like a lot now just to find time to be with our loved ones – much less doing something for ourselves in which to rejuvenate. 

But it IS important to do – especially when a loved one is asking for you to be with them. 

And as far as adventure – we all need that too. Some on a smaller scale than others, but whatever your adrenaline level … go. Get out of your routine and just go.

We can find every excuse in the world not to, but if we make the time to do something out of the ordinary to feel alive, I don’t think we ever regret it.

Being brave doesn’t mean you must go through some death-defying feat. And it doesn’t even have to be something outdoors. Just simply decide to step out just a bit outside of your comfort zone for doing so will help you when you need to be emotionally brave for unexpected things occurring in your life. 

I may not have the desire to go to the limits a few ‘adrenaline junkies’ go, but I go just a little further than where I normally would.

And… I love being brave. 

Video on Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/194112566 

jen@themurraymirror.com
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