Roy Exum
As we begin the annual pilgrimage into fall, I walk through my garden and, in the spirit of Orchids and Onions, I see colorful mums starting to flower at the same time dried-up weeds are begging to be pulled. So as we turn the calendar to September, here are some things that catch my eye:
A COLORFUL MUM to Chattanooga State for unveiling the Michael Hennen Hospitality Center in front of a standing-room only crowd Sunday afternoon. As Michael’s mother proudly shared, “He would absolutely be beside himself over this.
This is the best of the best.”
A DRIED-UP WEED to state lawmakers in Michigan who just launched a second investigation into a tryst that two state representatives have already admitted they played “Romper Room” when they weren’t deciding what is best for the voters. I mean, after “a hit dog hollers” what else needs to be done?
A COLORFUL MUM to Texas judge Randall Rodgers who was hearing a simple assault case involving a girl’s boyfriend who beat up her ex. “Was she worth it?” the judge asked and when Josten Bundy said “yes,” the judge gave him a choice. “Marry her or go to jail.” The wedding is imminent.
A DRIED-UP WEED to presidential candidate Donald Trump in the belief he would attract more supporters if he didn’t lash out at so many others like some bully. Watch: being crass won’t endure the race.
A COLORFUL MUM to the wisdom of Ray Charles who warned us, “You had better live every day like it’s your last ‘cause one day you’re gonna’ be right.”
A DRIED-UP WEED to the absolute worst news story of the year that described how the mother of conjoined twins would have to pick which of the newborns would live in a separation attempt. That is the worst invasion-of-privacy I have ever known and it is near-sacrilege to pin on a mother.
A COLORFUL MUM to Dodger announcer Vin Scully who just announced he would return to call the games in 2016. Next year will be the delightful Vin’s 67th straight year in the broadcast booth (he’s now 87 years young) and, whenever you get a minute, go to YouTube and tap into the great Major League baseball tape of Scully giving tidbits about the American flag during the July 3rd game. He led every inning with different stories, all marvelous, about “Old Glory” and it is simply glorious (don’t worry … the actual game has been edited out but you’ll still shiver at the feeling you get.)
A DRIED-UP WEED to the idiot in Harbin, Heilongjiang in China, who took his mistress to a big soccer game. Trouble is, his wife and her mother were watching the game on TV. The two scorned women immediately went to the stadium, beat him up and then dragged the screaming mistress to their car where, according to reports, she was last seen.
A COLORFUL MUM to “King Richard” Keene who, when playing in the State Senior Amateur golf tournament on Lookout Mountain recently, scored a hole-in-one with a 5-iron from 208 yards out. It was the fourth ace for Richard but this came on his 58th birthday. He finished second to his close friend Neil Spitalny.
A DRIED-UP WEED to the presidential decree that majestic Mount McKinley be renamed Denali. To rewrite history is to bury the past instead of celebrating it, and our history is who we are.
A COLORFUL MUM to the BBC for a recent report that revealed the all-time best cure for a hangover – simply don’t drink alcohol. How astute! Who among us would have ever thought of that?
A DRIED-UP WEED to Verizon where the insurance plan on an iPhone 5S has a $199 deductible if you drop it and shatter the screen. But if you go across Shallowford Road to the Bulb & Battery store, a skilled technician can replace the screen in 30 minutes for $119 plus tax. You can’t make this stuff up.
A COLORFUL MUM to Dick Lindeman, whose daily struggle with terrible health issues inspire all who know him. In recent years he has privately worried that he would never see his pretty daughter be married but this weekend, when pretty Ashley became Mrs. William Kent, not only did he fulfill his dream but actually danced with the bride from his wheelchair in what will always be one of the family’s crowning moments. How about that!
A DRIED-UP WEED to the horrible assumption that because ACT scores this year were flat, many think our students are dumbing down but nothing could be further from the truth. Don’t dare think today’s high school graduates are not the most technical savvy kids in the history of the world and chock full of promise.
A COLORFUL MUM for the knowledge that in what is indeed a complex world, the only thing Beethoven, The Rolling Stones and Conway Twitty have in common is that each used only seven notes in their music – that’s all there are. Also a rainbow just has five colors, there are just 10 numbers (zero through nine) and the alphabet – which is a little harder – has 26 letters. Try keeping things simple, no?
A DRIED-UP WEED to any kid who ever says the word “can’t” in a sentence without making the last word “yet.” I believe anyone can accomplish just about anything if they are willing to do what it takes to get there.
A COLORFUL MUM to Colton Jumper, a walk-on candidate on the UT football team, who was just announced as the starting middle linebacker for this Saturday’s game against Bowling Green in Nashville. Colton, who played at Baylor, originally signed with Navy but a weird kidney ailment prohibited him from joining the military. As he has just proven to the delight of Butch Jones and staff, there ain’t nothing wrong with his heart.
A DRIED-UP WEED to tawdry accounts now in the Alabama newspapers that Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley and his wife are divorcing amid rumors he had an affair. The rumors are not substantiated, mind you, and in the cruel world of today’s political climate, I believe you need to have proof before dragging two fine people through the muck-and-the-mire.
A COLORFUL MUM for the ad that popped up on Craigslist in New York: “Hi. I am going through a difficult breakup and impulsively adopted 16 different types of reptiles over Craiglist. I have made a huge mistake. My roommates are furious. I have 1 ball python, 7 various geckos, a bearded dragon, and 2 red slider turtles. They are all named ‘Amanda.’ No rehoming fee.”
royexum@aol.com