Jen Jeffrey
When two of my grandchildren were wee ones, I called them ‘my Grandbabies’ and when the third one came along; they were all my Grandbabies. Now that my youngest son’s daughter is three years old and his brother’s two are in first and second grade, “Grandbabies” no longer seems appropriate for any of them.
Little Ellie certainly does not want to be called a baby. She recently asked my daughter in-law, “Mom, why do I always have to have a sippy cup? I’m a big girl!”
Her mother let her try drinking out of a regular glass and yes, her red juice did spill, but Ellie won’t let the incident limit her from being as grown up as possible.
Her teenage twin sisters Lacy and Macy inspire her to be just like them.
Living as a Southerner, I do the nick-name thing. People are Darlin, Shuga, Honey and of course I use the word ‘Y’all’. When my three sons were growing up, one of them tried to call me “mother” and I almost washed his mouth out with soap! “I am not a mother… I am a MAMA,” I told him.
Yes, there is a difference. My Mama taught me to spell it ‘M-a-m-a’ because her Mama taught her to spell it that way. I have also read many books about the south where Mama was spelled that way and then of course we have the ever-popular “Mama’s Family” television show in syndication.
My sister Angie and I call our mother “Mama” and my next to oldest sister will call her “Mom”. My oldest sister calls her Mama, but she spells it “Momma” as if she wants to call her Mom, but puts a little extra love in it.
We sisters, along with Mama have debated over the correct way of spelling Mama for years and we each think we are right.
I was pretty good with phonics as a child and I excelled in English so ‘Mama’ just makes the most sense to me and I admit that when a few of my friends spell it “Momma” I cringe just a bit.
One thing is for sure… however anyone spells the endearing woman’s name it is ‘correct’ to them and they will argue to their death. A mother is a very special woman in our lives and our name for her is very special.
That is also true for the “grand-er” things in life. Our grandparents have special names and so do our grandchildren.
My paternal grandparents were who I saw more often and I think they were younger than Mama’s parents. My sisters and I called them “Mama Grace and Daddy Bill” which was just normal to us. I thought that every person had a Mama Grace and Daddy Bill. It is only when I really dissect it in my head that I realize how southern those names are. I called my maternal grandparents “Grandmama and Granddaddy” and that is what I wanted my children to call my Mama and Papa (my step dad). Daddy had already passed away before my children knew him, so they only knew their Granddaddy and not their “Papa Jeff” (which is the name my Daddy called his grandfather).
My kids called their dad’s parents “Mamaw and Papaw” and I thought it sounded way more country than what I called mine, but the names went together. Now I realize that Mamaw and Papaw are quite popular names and no more countrified than Mama Grace and Daddy Bill. I guess when it comes to what we call people while we are children, it will always be ‘normal’ for us.
That’s the great thing about being a kid. We don’t know if we are rich or poor. We don’t know if we aren’t popular or cool. We don’t know that having step-family is ‘extra’. Everything is just normal – the way it should be.
As my sisters and my friends became grandparents, it seemed they wanted their grandchildren to call them cool names, “Nana, Mimi, Noni, Meemaw… but I wanted to be called an old fashioned name like I called my grandparents. I thought being old fashion when I was sort of young to be a grandmother at age 40, was pretty cool in itself. I did change the spelling though. I knew that ‘Grandmama’ might be hard to write for my Grands so I shortened and sweetened it up a bit knocking out the ‘n’ and the ‘d’ and one of the m’s and I spell it “Gramama”.
I was right! It took no time at all for my older grand children to spell it! And that is after all, how they say it. No kid in the south really pronounces the ‘d’ so my name stuck.
Then as the youngest little Ellie started talking more, we tried to get her to say Gramama, but she added a curlicue by calling me “Gramama-mommy”. It was cute and I tried to let go of my OCD tendencies where things have to all be in order or the same… and it was endearing. But then as she saw me more and I was becoming a person to her, she changed it again to Grama-mommy. I think the last name she called me was “Gramommy”.
I don’t see Ellie as often and, as the Mama of three sons, I knew not to expect to be the ‘close grandmother’ because most wives make sure their children see her mother pretty often and I knew not to take it personally. Women are relationship builders so a daughter will spend more time with her mother than sons do.
Though I don’t wish divorce on anyone, my oldest son has his custody of his two children Landon and Kylee and I am fortunate to see them more often. They are also old enough to stay with me. I am hoping as Ellie gets a little older that she will get to come stay with ‘Gramommy’ some.
When I married Jason and moved to Kentucky, I wanted the “matching name” like my grandparents had, so he became “Granddaddy”. Jason and I have talked about making it a tradition for the grandkids to stay the summer like parents let their kids in the old days.
The problem with that is nowadays school hoards the kids and keeps them so busy that there isn’t but a few weeks of summer and with their other activities, we would do well to have them stay for just a week. We talked with Jonathan about having one child at a time stay with us.
Landon went on a mission trip to Trinidad this year, so I wanted to have Kylee stay with me and then after Landon returned, I wanted him to stay. But with the mission trip, soccer practice for Landon and piano for Kylee the time just wasn’t there, so Jonathan brought them to the farm recently for a couple of days.
No longer my ‘Grandbabies’ I told Jason that our Grand Darlins were coming to stay with us. He is so good with kids and Landon and Kylee like him. I have recently been talking to their mother some and I told her I would take photos of them for the fall. I knew the farm would make a great backdrop!
When the Grand Darlins got here, Granddaddy was already at work and I had all day to play with them. We colored and took a few photos of them with Gramama and then we met Granddaddy for lunch. Afterward we went shopping at Peddler’s Mall in Murray. It is like an antique/consignment store. Landon found a Matchbox car for a dollar that he wanted, so Kylee and I looked for something she would like.
She found a baby carriage that was a little more than a dollar, so I told Landon to pick out plenty more cars. I saw a cute soccer frame that I thought their mom would like to have with a few of Landon’s soccer pictures so I got that and then, I saw a wooden, country sign that said “Howdy”.
I remembered my former mother in-law saying that every time I would see her, so I picked it up for Jonathan to take back with him. Jonathan lives with his paternal grandmother (Mamaw) because it just makes sense. He helps her and she helps him and it works so well. She is the most awesome person to be around kids and she is everybody’s “Mamaw” who knows her.
I also got a sign for our farm that said, “My Old Kentucky Home” and then we came back to the farm and had a cookout when Granddaddy came home. That night, Kylee was sitting in my lap while Landon was writing a story (it pleases me that my grandson is a writer). Kylee and I began taking “selfies’ with my cell phone (maybe it should be called cell-fies). We got tickled making faces and then Granddaddy and Landon photo-bombed us.
The next day, Granddaddy went to work again and the four of us took the Greys on a three mile hike. We went where the cows were and down the long dirt road that is closed. We made it to the creek and the kids were troopers and followed Gramama across the creek.
We turned back around and then passed the graveyard (by the woods where the deer sleep) and Landon wanted to go look at the old headstones. I whispered, “Let’s just let them sleep.”
We then traipsed through the now harvested empty bean field and I watched amazed at how the Greys were behaving with the Grand Darlins. The pooches kept a ‘little people’s’ pace and were very protective and gentle with them.
After we got back from our long walk, we cleaned up and began the photo shoot! I took over 400 photos (hike included). Kylee was a natural and would come up with poses without me even coaching her. Landon was a bit tougher. He wasn’t very interested in taking photos, but he was a trooper and I got some good ones of him. We took some inside and outside. When we went outside I dressed Kylee as a ‘country girl’ and I braided her hair to the side and she wore her brother’s plaid shirt while he wore a western shirt.
We had so much fun (well, Kylee and I did) and afterward, Landon and his daddy played chess. Chess is a game my daddy taught me and I taught my kids and I was so happy that Landon picked it up the first day! He loved chess!
Granddaddy took us all out to eat that night and the next day they had to go back home. It was a great visit though and I enjoyed having them at the farm again. Now, I just need to get my other Grand Darlin out here.
Whether or not my sisters and I agree on how to spell Mama and no matter if you have ‘steps’ in your family or even ‘ex’ family members… family is important. I love everybody in my life and I could not see my life without every single one of them.
As we approach the time of year where the holidays make us think of family, I hope you appreciate who you have in your family. And if you are alone – try ‘adopting’ someone as your family – a brother, an uncle, a Gramama or… a Grand Darlin.
A few photos:
https://jenjeffrey.wordpress.com/2014/10/18/my-grand-darlins/
jen@jenjeffrey.com