Roy Exum: Christian Schools Bully, Too

  • Wednesday, May 25, 2016
  • Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

Earlier this week, after I shared a story about bullying written by a very brave mother, it opened a floodgate of emails from parents and students who have been forced to endure such madness in our elementary, junior and senior high schools.

Discipline is the No. 1 problem in our schools. Because of it, or because of a lack of it, no wonder our children cannot achieve all that they should. Bullying has to be dealt a harsh and mighty blow because until all of us stand up against it, it will continue to have an evil presence.

Today’s writer, whose name will also remain anonymous, writes what happened to her son in a private Christian school before she was able to transfer him to another private Christian school. Bullying and hazing is prevalent at private schools, including the Big Three – Baylor, McCallie and GPS.

Our children must learn it is okay to tell, to report classmates who abuse others, and our teachers must make bullies and their parents accountable for sickening misbehavior. That said, here is another mother who went from anguish to joy after her son was rescued by a principal who cared:

* * *

I read your essay this morning, “Roy Exum: A Mother vs. HCDE” with a heavy heart. My son grew up in private schools in our area, but not one of the “big three”.

I’m a retired teacher and I just don’t understand either why people choose cruelty toward others or why certain people are selected to be the recipients. I am proud that one of my top objectives in my classroom was to make sure every child was comfortable in their learning environment and that there was no bullying or hazing. Unfortunately, I was not always able to prevent it and my mind readily goes to two or three that were treated poorly on occasion. However, there was never a child who was emotionally and psychologically battered as so many we read or hear about today.

That said, I trusted the schools my son attended to apply the same consideration to their students. He grew up in a private elementary school in East Ridge and later transferred to a larger school in Chattanooga in sixth grade. That is where it began. We toughed it out through middle school where he was mildly berated, but mostly simply excluded because we were not of the faith that is not named in the school’s title but is very apparent in the school family.

When he got to high school it was simply unimaginable that such things could be inflicted on a kid and virtually nothing could be done. He was publicly humiliated in classrooms. His locker was filled with talcum powder. A special gift from a friend, a military jacket, was defaced with permanent maker. He was shoved aside in halls.

My son is/was an attractive young man. He is not someone who was in any way a “nerd” or “geek.” He performed well in school, athletics, and extra-curricular activities. He was personable. Why he was selected to be the freshman recipient of abuse from a few seniors is beyond me.

After a particularly painful incident involving an electronic message board in a classroom where the teacher was present but unaware of the boy’s actions (I still can’t understand how THAT happened!) we made an appointment with the principal of the high school. We were told something would definitely be done.

A Saturday morning meeting was scheduled with us, two of the boys, and their parents. When I arrived it was apparent that this was meant to be an all-male meeting and that it was not a “woman’s place.” The discussion included prayer, apologies, and contrite looks and so on. However, the boys were not disciplined because both were involved in school athletics and excelled in other extracurricular activities.

After he received a test paper that had been graded by senior “graders” with a note telling him to “do the world a favor and go kill himself” he, as well as his father and I, were broken. We were fortunate enough to call on friends who helped us make an appointment with the principal of another private school in Chattanooga. Again, not one of the big three.

That awesome (principal) shepherded us through the application process and assured our son and then us that such actions were not tolerated at this school. Our son was accepted by the student body, he enjoyed going to school again, graduated and went on to become a BSRN who has spent the last five years working in Cardiac ICUs (not a place for the faint of heart).

However, the saga doesn’t end there. He is now over 30 and has serious emotional and psychological issues that go all the way back to the hallowed halls of the high school faculty that we trusted to educate, encourage, and protect our son. He has spent numerous hours with therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists.

He struggles with depression and anxiety every day of his life. We, his parents, are heartsick that we didn’t or couldn’t shield him from the heinous way he was treated. Today, I would absolutely call the school out and most likely sue for emotional damages for all three of us. At that time, all we wanted to do was get him out of there and try to help him put it behind him.

Did we do the right thing? Apparently not. Did talking to the faculty at the school make it worse? Did talking to the boys and their fathers make it worse? Yes, it did. That was as far as the school would go because both boys were popular and their families were well regarded.

Is some of it due to parents failing to think that THEIR precious child couldn’t possibly engage in this behavior? Is it because some parents engaged in bullying, hazing, or exclusion when they were younger and still don’t see it as something to be ashamed of? I don’t know, but I wish I knew what could be done to remedy this plague.

You have my permission to use any of this or all of this, but I am afraid to allow my name to be affixed to these words because I just don’t want it all dredged up for him again! That in itself is a shame. I, an adult, a professional, am STILL trying to protect him from the faculty and students at a well-regarded, well-connected local educational institution! They would probably sue me for slander if I were more specific! I mean, they’re the big guys. Right?

That’s all. Thanks for giving me a forum to vent. I would just ask that sometime when you are addressing the bullying and hazing situation in today’s world you can slip in that it’s not just public schools. It occurs in the elite, private schools as well.

(Name omitted but identity confirmed)

* * *

Do you miss that? After years a cardiac nurse is still scarred by being bullied at a Christian school in Chattanooga. It is everybody’s problem. And everyone must work valiantly for a solution in our community.

royexum@aol.com

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