Roy Exum
Eight years ago, when Bethany Thompson was diagnosed with a form of brain cancer, doctors used radiation to successfully shrink away the tumor, but the treatment’s side effect was damage to a nerve in the left side of her face. When the little girl smiled, it was only on one side. So in the eight years since she was described as a miracle, she’s had a different struggle – kids in the neighborhood and at school bully her.
Better put, they “have bullied” her because two weeks ago the downtrodden 11-year-old got off the school bus in Ohio, got a pistol from where her dad thought he had carefully hidden it, and ended her life – this less than ten years after all the miracles of science had saved it.
Do you dare try to imagine the turmoil of an 11-year-old who couldn’t smile?
Last week I got three emails from people who believe their children are being bullied in area schools. I immediately turned them over to the proper school officials with a request to please let me know how I can help. Last year Hamilton County’s District Attorney General Neal Pinkston and Sheriff Jim Hammond conducted an investigation that proved our state and our community are a hotbed for hazing and bullying.
Bullying knows no economic, racial or age limits. It happen to both boys and girls, especially same sex, and while heavy steps are being made to curb it in our public and private schools, the No. 1 solution is for parents/guardians to recognize both the aggressors and the victims.
Dr. Med Meeker, a pediatrician in Michigan who authored, “12 Principals of Raising Great Kids,” just told NBC “Today” that there are a lot of ways kids can bully. "It doesn't happen just on the playground. It happens on the Internet. It happens in the bathroom. And, bullies are excellent at doing things when no one else is around to see."
"Even though we say, 'Make sure to tell somebody,' kids don't speak up easily. It usually has gone on for several months before parents find out." there are five identifiable signs a child may be mistreated by bullies:
1. UNWILLINGNESS TO GO TO SCHOOL – She says it isn’t normal for a child to suddenly have headaches or stomachaches after being to school since August. “Their body language is going to tell you they are miserable. But if you children are chatty and pretty happy, you are probably okay.”
2. CHANGE IN DEMEANOR -- A change in a child's emotional behavior can signal a problem, Dr. Meeker wrote. “Parents should observe their child's mood after school, paying attention to whether or not they come home in a cheerful mood. I really do think if you know your kids well, you read their facial expressions and you see what their demeanor is like. Are they having trouble going to sleep? Are they waking up in the night? Are they just not doing well overall? Their body language will tell you.”
3. CHANGE IN SLEEP PATTERNS – “They're worrying about getting picked on at school the next day, so they don't want to go to sleep," said the doctor, adding nightmares, refusing to get out of bed and restless sleep could be signs.
4. CHANGES IN GRADES --If a child’s grades begin to slip, the doctor says ‘fear’ could take the place of ‘focus.’ “This isn't just, 'Gee, I hate my math teacher,' warned Dr. Meeker. “It’s bigger than that."
5. CHANGES IN FRIENDS – It is normal for kids to have new friends from time-to-time, but not normal when suddenly they have few friends. Meeker says parents should watch out for signs that their child has no friends — complaining about eating lunch alone or remarking that friends they used to play with after school no longer want to come over. "What you worry about is kids coming home saying, 'Nobody likes me.' Bullies like to isolate their victims and cut them out of the pack."
Dr. Meeker said it is crucial to be proactive, notifying the school and the teachers but also talking to your children about what is acceptable as well as unacceptable behavior,
Annalise Guerra, a social worker at the University of Miami, wrote in last week’s Miami Herald, “Bullying can take the form of physical abuse; verbal abuse, such as name calling and spreading rumors; or emotional abuse, such as intimidation or social exclusion. With the widespread use of the internet, it can occur through email, text messages and social networking sites.
“The effects of bullying range from inflicting physical hurt to psychological distress. There are key signs that someone being bullied, including if your child: (Note the parallels with Dr. Meeker):
* -- Comes home with torn, missing or damaged clothing, books or belongings.
* -- Has unexplained bruises, cuts and scratches.
* -- Is hesitant or afraid to go to school, ride the bus or take part in school activities.
* -- Suffers from low self-esteem.
* -- Has difficulty sleeping.
* -- Has a loss of appetite.
* -- Suddenly performs poorly in school or has bad attendance.
* -- Shows signs of regressive behavior, such as bed-wetting or thumb-sucking in younger children and withdrawal from family and friends for older children.”
* * *
The Centers for Disease Control estimate that 3.2 million children are bullied in our schools every year. If you suspect a child is being abused – even if it isn’t a member of your family -- call school authorities and, if that doesn’t work, get in touch with local police. If that fails, send me an email because I promise I will find someone who can do something about it.
royexum@aol.com