Roy Exum: Don’t Mess With ‘Skunk’

  • Tuesday, November 24, 2015
  • Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

One year ago today riots broke out anew in Ferguson, Mo., after a grand jury refused to indict Darren Wilson, a white 28-year-old police officer who shot and killed a black 18-year-old, Michael Brown. The altercation took place on Aug. 9, and video cameras later showed the black teenager robbing a store and assaulting the shopkeeper.

After the unarmed Brown was shot, for nearly 10 days mobs of protesters created havoc. The Ferguson police had to use tear gas, rubber bullets, flash bombs and smoke bombs as hundreds were arrested.

Despite curfews, the protesters fought back with anything they could throw, including “Molotov cocktails,” and President Obama told the nation, “There is also no excuse for police to use excessive force against peaceful protests, or throw protesters in jail for lawfully exercising their First Amendment rights.” (The protests were hardly peaceful.)

Let me tell you what else happened last November. The nearby St. Louis Police Department ordered $2,438.50 worth of “Skunk” and the next time there is an uprising in Missouri, run like you stole something if a water cannon comes around the corner. Soon any angry group of protesters or rioters or rock-slinging mob will be doused with the most horrible fluid any of them has ever encountered.

It seems in 2008 some geniuses at the Israeli Defense Forces developed what may be the most effective method of crowd control known to mankind. It is completely harmless. Israeli Police Superintendent David Ben Harosh says you can even drink it with no ill effects but you wouldn’t dare. It smells very strongly of a mix – if you can believe this – a rotting dead animal, an open sewer, old socks that were never washed.

The real beauty of it is that it can’t cause personal injury like a rubber bullet, tear gas or other methods of crowd control. But once you are doused, you wear the stench for three of the longest days of your life. No matter what soaps or rubbing alcohol or Mule-Team Borax you try, it will not go away until the three-day “shelf life” has expired. You say you weren’t in the mob – any police officer can smell you blocks away.

Equally important, wherever ‘Skunk’ is sprayed the scent lingers for days and – since it is organic – will not harm vegetation, poison innocent animals or harm the environment in any way. Because it lingers, the protesters will not dare come back to where it was used, nor will anyone else. Curiously it washes right out of clothing, but if you are human, get ready for three days in exile.

Israel has had unbelievable success with Palestinian protesters around its West Bank barrier with ‘Skunk’ and while protesters and innocent villagers are being maimed or killed by rubber bullets and pepper spray, the low cost of ‘Skunk’ makes it an even better alternative.

If a police officer happens to get sprayed, or a news reporter covering the story, or the mayor of St. Louis … ‘Skunk’ comes with a special soap that will remove the scent in seconds in a warm shower. Don’t think that the St. Louis P.D. didn’t buy four gallons of the special soap concentrate for $121.40!

Some human rights group are already nervous about making somebody smell for three days, saying that is cruel and inhumane. But peace-loving people point to the fact it will not injure anyone, it will immediately disperse a crowd, and don’t worry about going somewhere else to throw Molotov Cocktails, nobody will come near anyone who has been ‘skunked.’

It is believed the Bossier City, La., police have a stash of ‘Skunk’ that they will gladly share with New Orleans if it is ever necessary. Other police departments in strife-torn cities in the United States are rumored to have it, although most police spokespersons decline to comment, and the company Odortec maintains a private client list.

The Israelis say yeast, baking powder and a few “secret” food-grade ingredients are used to produce ‘Skunk’ and the cost is all but meaningless compared to 100 officers wearing full riot gear. According to some estimates, the Ferguson riots cost the Missouri taxpayers about $22 million and in Baltimore where similar unrest created rioting, the Maryland taxpayers faced a $20 million bill.

Note that either cost figures included buildings that were burned or destroyed, the looting that took place or the medical costs to protesters and law enforcement alike. A big serving of ‘Skunk’ costs $642.00, so I am thinking the putrid-smelling stuff will be going anywhere that crowds turn violent or are out of control.

And believe me on this, you don’t want to be anywhere near that water cannon when it spews its stink. Then again, it is suddenly the most humane and effective way to disperse an angry mob in the history of civilization.

royexum@aol.com

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