Roy Exum: My Mischief And Musings

Tuesday, November 20, 2012 - by Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

As I search high and low for the scribbled notes, crumpled cards and lost reminders of why I am thankful, here are some other tidbits that I have meant to pass along:

A FORD DEALER IN NEW YORK writes on Facebook, “One of my salesmen here had a woman in his office yesterday wanting to lease a brand new Focus. As he was reviewing her credit application with her he noticed she was on Social Security disability. He said to her you don't look like you're disabled and unable to work. She said well I'm really not. I could work if I wanted to, but I make more now than I did when I was working and got hurt (non-disabling injury). She said the gov't sends her $1,500.00 a month in one check. And she gets $700.00 a month on an EBT card (food stamps), and $800.00 a month for rent. Oh yeah, and 250 minutes free on her phone. That is just south of $3,500.00 a month. When she was working, she was taking home about $330.00 per week.

“Do the math and then ask yourself why the (heck) should she go back to work. If you multiply that by millions of people, you start to realize the scope of the problem we face as a country. Once the socialists have 51% of the population in that same scenario, we are finished. The question is when do we cross that threshold if we haven't already, and there are not enough people working to pay enough taxes to support the non-working people? Riots?? Be prepared to protect your homes. She didn't lease the Focus here because the dealer down the road beat our deal by $10.00/month. Glad to know she is so frugal with her hard-earned money."

DON’T BE SURPRISED if Vanderbilt football coach James Franklin isn’t named as the SEC “Coach of the Year.” He’s on track to win eight games with a victory at lightly-regarded Wake Forest this Saturday. First-year coach Kevin Sumlin has done wonders at Texas A&M, while Alabama’s Nick Saban, Georgia’s Mark Richt and Florida’s Will Muschamp could each be 11-1 by Sunday, but what Franklin has done this fall is nothing short of a miracle.

AT A HORSE SHOW in Shelbyville this weekend, it has been reported a metal band holding the loathsome stacks on a Tennessee Walking Horse was affixed so tightly the animal’s hoof came flying off as it tried to perform. Witnesses said it was real bloody and the animal was finally taken to a horse trailer. If anyone in America doesn’t think that is sick and disgusting, they are crazy. And the question persists – why wasn’t the sheriff called?

THE WINNINGEST COLLEGE COACH in the history of football just resigned and what a ride it has been for 86-year-old John Gagliardi. He was head coach at tiny St. John’s in Minnesota – a Division III school – and in his 64-year tenure his Johnnies won four national titles while amassing a 489-138-11 record for a 77.5 winning percentage. Get this: he didn’t allow lengthy calisthenics, tackling during practice, whistles or wind sprints and made his players call him “John.” Eddie Robinson of Grambling is the winningest BCS coach of all time with a record of 408-165-14 and the coach with the most wins who is still active is 63-year-old Larry  Kehres at the tiny University of Mount Union in Alliance, Ohio; his 327-24-3 record carries a winning percentage of .928, the highest in college football history.

ON A COLD WINTER morning, a wife texts her husband, “Windows frozen." Her husband texts back: 
"Pour some lukewarm water over it." The wife texts back five minutes later: "Computer really screwed up now."

I CAN’T CONFIRM this but am told in a fairly recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America. The General answered, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function... Our job is to arrange the meeting."

LANCE GILMAN WON his County Commissioner’s race in Storey County, Nevada by a hefty margin, which was intriguing because he owns and operates a very famous brothel known as the Mustang Ranch. Prostitution is legal in 10 counties in Nevada, where there are now two dozen such establishments. Nonetheless, Lance claims he is a “dyed in the wool” Republican who loves American values.”  For the record, “values” at Mustang Ranch begin at about $350 per hour.

A CRAIGSLIST AD just published in California reads, “I need a mad scientist to clone a dog. It is the best dog in the universe and there should be 2 or more if it in existence. I have 60 dollars. Thank you. No flakes. P.S. $50 Bonus if you can make it speak English and Japanese.

A NEWSPAPER RANT in Washington State, where voters just voted to legalize marijuana and same-sex marriage, tells us, “Now I understand what the Bible means in Leviticus 20:13 – “If a man lies with another man he should be stoned.” (Why do I think that’s funny?)

THE GUYANESE GENIUS -- No dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world: Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner. His final challenge was this: Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand. Here is his astute answer: "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!" His answer was received with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes and it entitled him to receive an invitation to dine with the Queen, who decided to call him after the contest. He won a trip to travel around the world in style and a case of 25-year-old Eldorado rum for his answer.

royexum@aol.com


1971 Chattanooga Riots

So Brenda Washington "remembers," the riots in the spring of '71 and National Guard troops patrolling her neighborhood. Well Brenda, I was one of those troops patrolling your neighborhood and as the late Paul Harvey would say, "here is the rest of the story." Wilson Pickett (a black entertainer) was scheduled to perform at the Memorial Auditorium on a  Friday  night. ... (click for more)

Freedom To Discriminate

I don't need a dictionary to know Rox Exum is a white male with privilege. His chosen words and tone are inexcusable, primarily because he can never know what it feels like to be a victim of discrimination. We live in a world that is right-hand dominant, yet we don't say that lefty's chose to be that way because their selfishness drives their desire to be different. You could try ... (click for more)

Representative Jimmy Duncan Endorses Donald Trump For President

Representative John J. Duncan, Jr., one of the most senior Republicans in the House and the only Republican remaining in Congress who voted against the Iraq War today endorsed Donald Trump for president. Rep. Duncan said, “With only four percent of the world’s population, we buy 25 percent of the world’s goods. Every country wants into our markets. We have tremendous leverage ... (click for more)

5 Considered For Cleveland City Manager Position

Five names were selected  Friday  by a citizens advisory committee to send to the Cleveland City Council for consideration as the next Cleveland city manager. The five are Angie Carrier, Joe Fivas, Mark Reeter, Seth Sumner and Julie Underwood. The list is being sent in alphabetical order so no one has an advantage when the city council considers the candidates. ... (click for more)

Shrum, Gautier Win Communities In Schools 5K

Ryan Shrum and Jan Gautier may still be recovering from the Boston Marathon 12 days ago, but that didn’t keep them from winning overall titles in the 18 th Annual Communities In Schools 5K in Ringgold Saturday morning. The race, a circular 3.1-mile route that was somewhat flat, but included a few challenging climbs, was sponsored by First Volunteer Bank with proceeds benefitting ... (click for more)

McMasters Makes Tough Call To Play Volleyball At Lee

Grace Baptist Academy two-sport standout Claire McMasters envisioned playing basketball and volleyball at a small college after her career ended with the Lady Golden Eagles. So, she “looked at” Covenant College and Maryville College as two schools where she thought that would be possible to extend her two-sport status. McMasters’ recruiting shifted quickly once Lee University ... (click for more)