Roy Exum: James Anderson’s Letter

Saturday, November 17, 2012 - by Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

James Anderson, a gentleman of the South from Talladega, Ala., has written a list of “The 12 Reasons I Voted Democratic”  and, after it appeared in the Scottsboro (Ala.) Daily Sentinel last Saturday, it was sent to me by a dear friend who has the same leanings. It is with devilish delight I pass it along for your perusal.

Mr. Anderson could not be contacted for additional comments yesterday but I believe his comments alone will sufficiently entertain you as we await the kickoff of today’s college football games:

* * *

Dear Editor:

Here are the 12 reasons I voted Democratic:

1. I voted Democratic because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I now may marry my Labrador.

2. I voted Democratic because I believe oil companies’  profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the Government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.

3. I voted Democratic because I believe the Government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

4. I voted Democratic because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as I agree with what is said and nobody else is offended by it.

5. I voted Democratic because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

6. I voted Democratic because I believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in 10 years if I don’t start driving a Prius.

7. I voted Democratic because I’m not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

8. I voted Democratic because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education and Social Security benefits, and we should take away the Social Security from those who paid into it.

9. I voted Democratic because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrats see fit.

10. I voted Democratic because I believe liberal Judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

11. I voted Democratic because I think that it’s better to pay billions for their oil to people who hate us but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, spotted owl, gopher or fish.

12. I voted Democratic because my head is so firmly misplaced toward the south end of my body; it’s unlikely that I’ll ever have another point of view.

No trees, Spotted Owls, or Red Cock-headed Woodpeckers were harmed in the sending of this message.

—James W. Anderson

Talladega, AL

* * *

What do you want to bet he might have voted another way?

royexum@aol.com


Worse And Worser

We hear a lot about voter apathy, citizens of this, the greatest nation to ever grace the face of Planet Terra, these United States of America, who fail to take advantage of their right, nay, accept their responsibility to participate in government of this great nation. How many of us know citizens who don't vote? Worse yet, how many of us know citizens who aren't even registered ... (click for more)

Howley Has New Ideas And New Energy For Signal Mountain

Over the last several years, I have had the opportunity to serve with Chris Howley on the Signal Mountain Recreation Advisory Board.  During this time, I obtained an insight into the qualities that make Chris Howley an outstanding candidate to serve on the Signal Mountain Town Council.Chris has spent countless hours on the board overseeing the numerous recreation leagues and ... (click for more)

Chickamauga Lock To Reopen As Soon As Next Thursday

The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers Nashville District  plans to reopen Chickamauga Lock to all navigation traffic as early as next Thursday. An inspection of the upper gate anchorage and a repair plan were completed today. Chickamauga Lock closed on Monday after a routine inspection revealed a crack in the anchorage of the upper gate. Lt. Col. John Hudson, commander ... (click for more)

Downtown Chattanooga Apartment Complex That Brought $3 Million Profit Exempt From Most Taxes Until 2022 Under PILOT

A downtown Chattanooga apartment complex that recently was sold at a $3 million profit is exempt from most property taxes through 2022 under a PILOT (payment in lieu of taxes) agreement.   No payment of school taxes was included in the deal for Walnut Commons at Walnut Street and Aquarium Way.   The only taxes due on the property for the next eight ... (click for more)

GPS Advances To Division IIAA Soccer Championship

MURFREESBORO - GPS defeated Brentwood Academy 3-0 to advance to the finals of the TSSAA Division II-AA soccer tournament.   The Bruisers scored one first half goal in the 38th minute off the foot of senior Lindsay Rufolo.   Fourteen minutes into the second half Emily Large added the first of two insurance goals. Six minutes later at the 60-minute mark Catherine ... (click for more)

Hixson Clinches 6-AA Title With Shutout Over Brainerd

Just about any coach will tell you that winning ugly is always better than winning pretty. Such was the case at Hixson Community Stadium on a frigid Halloween night as the host Wildcats finished off their regular season with a 19-0 win over the Brainerd Panthers. Hixson improves to 8-2 overall and 6-0 in District 6-AA while Brainerd is now 3-7 overall and 3-3 in 6-AA. It ... (click for more)