Roy Exum: James Anderson’s Letter

Saturday, November 17, 2012 - by Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

James Anderson, a gentleman of the South from Talladega, Ala., has written a list of “The 12 Reasons I Voted Democratic”  and, after it appeared in the Scottsboro (Ala.) Daily Sentinel last Saturday, it was sent to me by a dear friend who has the same leanings. It is with devilish delight I pass it along for your perusal.

Mr. Anderson could not be contacted for additional comments yesterday but I believe his comments alone will sufficiently entertain you as we await the kickoff of today’s college football games:

* * *

Dear Editor:

Here are the 12 reasons I voted Democratic:

1. I voted Democratic because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I now may marry my Labrador.

2. I voted Democratic because I believe oil companies’  profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the Government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.

3. I voted Democratic because I believe the Government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

4. I voted Democratic because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as I agree with what is said and nobody else is offended by it.

5. I voted Democratic because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

6. I voted Democratic because I believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in 10 years if I don’t start driving a Prius.

7. I voted Democratic because I’m not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

8. I voted Democratic because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education and Social Security benefits, and we should take away the Social Security from those who paid into it.

9. I voted Democratic because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrats see fit.

10. I voted Democratic because I believe liberal Judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

11. I voted Democratic because I think that it’s better to pay billions for their oil to people who hate us but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, spotted owl, gopher or fish.

12. I voted Democratic because my head is so firmly misplaced toward the south end of my body; it’s unlikely that I’ll ever have another point of view.

No trees, Spotted Owls, or Red Cock-headed Woodpeckers were harmed in the sending of this message.

—James W. Anderson

Talladega, AL

* * *

What do you want to bet he might have voted another way?

royexum@aol.com


Perry Perkins, The Right Candidate For District 7

Perry Perkins is a man of integrity, he will not only talk the talk, he will walk the walk.  I am not writing this as a District 7 voter, but as a friend who has had the pleasure of knowing Perry for the last 25+ years. During the past 25 years, I have never known Perry to be anything but truthful, honest, hardworking and a man of his word.    I have had the pleasure ... (click for more)

Joe Manuel Is Most Qualified To Be Chancellor

I strongly support Joe Manuel for chancellor.  As a businessman, I understand that Chancery Court deals with a lot of complex business and financial issues. Also, within the last two weeks, we have seen the School Board announce that it would sue the city of Chattanooga in Chancery Court and retired firemen and police officers have already filed a lawsuit against the city ... (click for more)

Strong Winds, Freezing Temperatures In Chattanooga Forecast; Growers Advised To Take Precautions With Young Crops

A cold front with strong winds was moving into the Chattanooga area today and was set to bring freezing temperatures overnight. Area growers were advised to take precautions with their young crops. Temperatures were expected to drop into the 20s. Here is the freeze warning: ...WIND ADVISORY IN EFFECT FROM 8 AM EDT /7 AM CDT/ THIS MORNING TO 8 PM EDT /7 PM CDT/ THIS EVENING... ... (click for more)

Zachary Bryant Was 6-Year-Old Killed Monday At Chattanooga Valley Elementary

Zachary Bryant has been identified as the 6-year-old boy who was killed after being run over by a school bus on Monday at Chattanooga Valley Elementary School. Authorities said the kindergarten student had just gotten off the bus when it moved forward and struck him. Walker County coroner Dewayne Wilson said he was killed immediately in the 7 a.m. incident. Funeral ... (click for more)

Cuonzo Martin Leaves Tennessee For Job At California

Tennessee basketball coach Cuonzo Martin apparently took his name out of the coaching search at Marquette so he could put it in a hat at the University of California at Berkeley. On Tuesday, Martin broke ties with the Volunteers and accepted the head coaching job with the Bears. Tennessee athletic director Dave Hart admitted Martin’s move surprised him. “Not from my perspective,” ... (click for more)

Mocs Win Women's Southern Conference Championship

The Chattanooga Mocs are your Southern Conference Women’s Golf Champions. That’s five straight team titles and sophomore Emily McLennan (Queensland, Australia) made it the fourth consecutive sweep winning medalist honors. McLennan was solid shooting 222 for her 54 holes on a tough week for scoring. She won by four strokes over Furman’s Taylor Totland and was seven clear of ... (click for more)