by Parker Smith
posted February 9, 2006
I write this while in great mental pain. This is a pain familiar to
many, but unique to me, and quite frankly I am angry for having to deal with my suffering.
My mother lies in a Hospice Center with not very much longer to live. As a public figure who has made a living in Chattanooga saying and doing outlandish things on the airwaves, while at the same time battling a few stupid legal mistakes I made that made local news outlets, this woman I love looked past my indescretions was proud and believed in me. To her I wasn't the black sheep who singled me out because I chose the insecure path of radio out of love for the business and never lectured me cause I don't have the financial and material possessions as my successful three siblings do.
I am sure she has been persecuted by her fellow church members and friends because I was her son, a guy on the radio who talked about casual sex and the wonderment of escape through alcohol and other substances. I did and do those things as an act, but unfortunately I have wound up being that person from time to time (another story, another time).
Now, she is dying, with no chance of recovery. She will never go home
again, so she lies in a room where people wait on her with a smile and
claim she is not suffering and will make her inevitable last days as
good as they can with morphine and other opiate narcotics that will numb her body and mind.
What, tell me, is the point of this cruelty? Why can't my mother die
with dignity and class? Why do we prolong peoples' lives so they can be out of their minds and miserable when they are ready to die? I know my mother. She doesn't want nor deserve this complete lack of compassion. How do I allow this great woman to suffer and wither away when she should have eternal peace? How will I deal with allowing this to happen to my mother the rest of my life. I will forever say, "I should have never allowed this to happen to her."
I have thought of nothing but this for weeks now. I want to know what the argument is on the other side. Is this another right-winged fundamental christian forced upon issue that prevents my mother from leaving this earth with dignity and pride like she had before getting cancer? Is it because Jesus may miraculously heal her? Should I call Ernest Angeley or Benny Hinn? Or, and, I really hope this isn't the case, is it about money? Are they keeping my mother alive at however many thousands of dollars a day for the love of the dollar?
I need some answers and I have asked doctors and they won't discuss
it with me. It's now taking away my father's life as he watches daily my mother get continually worse. It is destroying my two brothers and my sister and me because we want to remember my mother for the quick-witted, well-read, tough woman that she was. I can't help but say this, but I am mad.
Is it a sanctity of life argument? I keep hearing, "We are taking great
care of your mother." What they are doing, and I know they have to do it by law, is keeping her alive so that she can become a non-thinking, unrecognizable, suffering human until she finally gets peace through death.
I was watching a few weeks ago a news story about a terminally sick
man who was about to receive a lethal injection for murders he committed years ago. They interviewed the warden and the doctor of the prison and asked them what would happen if this man were to suffer another heart attack or stroke and die before they could inject him. The prison doctor said, "We would go to all lengths to revive and attempt to save the man's life so that we can kill him as scheduled." What in the world is that?
I have this feeling that there is some Christian cause behind this
insanity. I am constantly asked, "Do you believe in Jesus?" by co-workers, friends, and people who call the radio station who are familiar with my mom's situation. I have never answered those questions because whatever I think is private to me and always will be. But I will tell you one thing. If, in order to be a Christian, I have to watch as my mother suffers and hangs on through morphine while she finally gets to the point that she knows no one due to people like Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, and every other slick snake-oil salesman (including Bill Frist and George W. Bush who tried to intervene in the middle of the night on "behalf" of Terry Schiavo because it was the Christian thing to do), .........the answer is NO, I am not a Christian. I have no use for that stupid cult. We put animals down that are suffering when it is
agreed that there is no hope in saving them, but not a human that
contributed to society and made a difference in the world and to her
family.
I love my mother. I love her so much I want her to die, while she is still talking rationally (at times) and witty and cocky. That is MY mother.
Parker Smith
96.5 The Mountain Radio
parkerfromtn@webtv.net
* * *
Parker,
I was moved by your touching, honest and well-written article about your mother and you and the rest of your family, and the terrible suffering that millions have to endure because of the established religious values which permeate our laws and take away our inalienable right to decide how and when we die, and when it’s time to stop the suffering and allow our loved ones their God-given right to say their last good-byes and drift off to sleep in peace and dignity in the arms of a loving God, if that is their desire and belief.
I am very sorry that you and your family and millions of others are denied this highest and most holy right of all, the right to decide for ourselves when it’s time for us and our loved ones to escape the suffering and sorrow of lingering death and go home, according to our personal beliefs.
There is no greater or more important decision that we can make as human beings than this final decision of whether or not to continue living or to die, and yet this most precious right of all is denied because of the religious dogma that has seeped into our laws.
I’m afraid that it may take many more generations and the needless suffering of many more millions before the masses become enlightened and insist on the removal of these tragic laws which cause such harm and heartbreak to so many for no just reason other than obedience to established religious laws that should have remained in the Church instead of being forced on the citizens as a whole.
I commend you for bearing your soul and speaking out on this. Perhaps it will cause others to think more about these laws and realize the injustice of them, and maybe someday the people will no longer have to suffer the pain and sorrow of this terrible and heavy yoke that has been forced on them by religious laws that have found their way into the statutes and laws of the land.
My condolences,
Naman Crowe
namancrowe@yahoo.com
* * *
I read with tears the letter from Parker Smith regarding his mother. I’ve been there – right where he is - except it was my dad. I was a Daddy’s girl and his death from cancer was the greatest loss I’ve ever suffered.
However, I cannot share this "get them out of their suffering" mentality that seems to be so popular these days. My reason…? I’m an older lady and I’ve lived a long time. Long enough to remember when abortion was first given the green light. I still recall the smooth talking philosophy we were bombarded with that made it all sound so feasible. “The mother’s life is at stake; the girl was raped and so traumatized that it is better she not have the child than to suffer the effects the rest of her life. If a baby is aborted (we still called them babies at that time) before a woman is three months along, it really doesn’t affect anything. The baby is not formed enough for it to be hurt.” So we bought into this thinking. It became legal. Sounded okay to me since the mother’s health was why they were permitting it anyway.
The next thing I know, it was moved up to include several months further along. I thought if a woman can’t make up her mind about keeping her child by then, something should be done with HER – not the child. Now, it’s gotten so barbaric that we wait until the baby’s head pops out and then suck the brains out while the baby is alive and fully functional. I think that’s called murder in most languages.
Suppose we buy into this same idea about letting our dear loved ones have their suffering eased by terminating their lives? Up front it sounds like tender mercy. But how long before it is so totally out of hand as the abortion situation has become until we just get rid of them when they cost us too much or they are in the way – and they no longer have any say in their own life?
This is not unrealistic thinking. We’ve already proved it on the beginning side of life – now we are going to tackle the ending of life.
The gentleman who referred to it as “God-given” was right. It is “God-given” and not ours to take.
Karen Fink
Chattanooga
kfink@cbmc.com
* * *
Parker, your mother should be allowed to die if that is what her closest kin believe is best for her. When my husband was dying in the hospital at Fort Oglethorpe, the staff rolled into his room a device to connect him to that would keep his heart going indefinitely. I instructed them to remove this equipment at once, that I had no intention of prolonging his agony. Of course, he was completely unconscious. These people told me they could not act on my word alone so I contacted my children and other family members, all who supported my ideas, and the equipment was removed and my husband's heart slowly beat until it finally could beat no more.
The Supreme Curt has recently ruled in cases from Washington State that people could be allowed to die peacefully without technological help. I think you are absolutely right about your mother, and I love your description of her when she was not beset by illness. Regardless of the success of your other siblings, I consider you a success in that you are sensitive, understanding, caring, loving, and right about the decisions you make for your life. I don't think Christ would expect you to allow your mother to continue in her present state without surcease.
I know your mother would love the letter you have written to the Chattanoogan.com site and I feel it will be helpful to others who are going through what you are.
A mother is the one person who loves us better than anyone else does, and the one who would not forsake us no matter our shortcomings. I can see why you will not forsake her now and are giving her the tender love of a grateful son. Perhaps you could use your expertise to change Tennessee law so that others could benefit if your Mother cannot.
There are many of us out here who are empathizing and sympathizing with your plight and wish you well. I am reminded of a beautiful song by Handel which says "Angels every bright and fair, take, oh take me to your care. Speed to my own course your flight, clad in robes of virgin white, take, oh take me to your care."
One of the Beatitudes, so beautifully expressed at the funeral of Coretta Scott King, by Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, but words of Christ in the sermon on the mount, says, "Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted." You won't always be as unhappy and upset as you are now. Your mother's life and the memory of her will comfort you. All sorrow and weeping will be gone, and your mother's life will be a beacon to you to live as she did, bravely. strongly, and with faith.
I admire you, support you, appreciate you, and believe in you.
Mildred Perry Miller
Millermaj@aol.com
* * *
I have known Parker Smith for several years because of his public position as a radio personality and I can honestly say you will never meet a nicer or more compasionate guy. A lot of what is know about him is his "radio personality" which we all know is very much like an actor or comedian's role.
His situation is exactly why loved ones should prepare a living will. Having worked in the medical profession for over 10 years, I know firsthand what a difference that one little piece of paper can mean between life and death. Most people think that a living will simply means "pull the plug on me when it is time," but that is not the case. A living will can be specified to comfort measures, no artifical breathing machines, feeding tube directions, etc.
Having seen several patients brought in to the doctors offices from nursing homes, there are many ways to customize a living will to each person's specific beliefs and end-of-life wishes. The first thing that is placed in the front of a patient's chart - for all medical personnel to see - is the living will so that the doctor, nurses and other healthcare providers will know exactly what the patient wants in their final days. I urge anyone who has family to enact a living will as their age advances or health reasons dictate so that there is a legal binding agreement on what the patient does and, more importantly, does not want done in their final days.
God Bless you, Parker, and your family.
Theresa Cantrell
ms_sandypaws@yahoo.com
* * *
First let me make a blanket statement. Parker Smith is the same every time you meet him. You always know where you stand with Parker. There is no pretense in him. I have known Parker for over 20 years through my better half, Gene Lovin, and have always been proud to consider him a friend.
Mothers never see their children as black sheep. Mine certainly never viewed me that way, and believe me Parker, indiscretions (legal or otherwise) are a part of everyone's life, mine included.
My heart hurt and I cried when I read your letter, Parker. If your mother ever expressed her wishes concerning her life and how she wanted it to end, then fight with all your might to make sure her wishes are honored. Changes need to be made to allow our mothers and fathers to have the dignity in death that they were shown in life.
It is never easy to lose someone you love. Every Aug. 14 you will find me at a little cemetery talking to a stone. I talk to my mother every day of the year, but that is the day I lost her. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her.
For those of us left behind, be sure you have a living sill, and be extra sure that you tell everyone around you what your wishes are. Include what you want to do about organ donation, life support, etc. This takes all the guilt away from the ones you leave behind for fulfilling your wishes.
Parker, if I didn't have respect for you before, I certainly do now. I am grateful that I can call you friend.
Brenda Gray
bkg54@comcast.net
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