Roy Exum: Some Saturday Leftovers

  • Saturday, April 23, 2016
  • Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

I’m clearing off my desk today so get ready for Saturday leftovers. It has been a busy week but there are some things you should know about …

In Middleton, Mo., students at the high school are allowed to go off campus for lunch. Many go to a nearby Chik-fil-A and then join other students at a pavilion in a park. That’s cool. What school officials say is not cool is that a Christian group started a weekly “Jesus Lunch” where kids unable to buy their lunch are given free home-cooked food and take part in a Christian-themed inspirational message.

“Jesus Lunch” has gotten so popular that often 500 students attend the weekly gathering and school officials are trying to stop it, calling the voluntary lunches divisive. Superintendent Don Johnson and principal Steven Plank issued a letter that read, “We believe that religious or political events do not have a place in our school or on our campus …” the two wrote.

The mothers shot back, “Fireman’s Park – a public owned park in Middleton – remains accessible to everyone in the public for purposes of assembly and free speech…”

The school officials say they have a contract to use the park during school hours and, therefore, it is part of the school campus but something tells me the school administration is getting ready to draw back a nub.

* * *

When Jonathan Nicola, a refugee from South Sudan, suited up with the Catholic Central High School basketball team in Winsor, Canada, this fall, it wasn’t long before his overjoyed coach Pete Cusumano was telling sports writers and everybody else he wouldn’t be surprised if Jonathan didn’t play in the NBA someday.

But when rival coach Cam Nekkers of Pine Ridge Secondary saw him play, Coach Nekkers had a different idea. “After the game (Jonathan) is sitting on the bench as a bunch of us walk by. We get past him and I’m like, ‘Did you look at his face. Does anybody think he’s 17?’”

It turns out the Canadian Border Services Agency got curious, too, and this week the Sudan basketball player was arrested for “misrepresenting material facts.” If Nicola – real age 29 – is found guilty next Tuesday, he will be deported and will hunt for a pick-up game in South Sudan.

* * *

Bad news continues to come in batches for Alabama Governor Robert Bentley, whose relationship with his assistant – Rebekah Mason - has gone from bad to worse. News reports have revealed he took her to some governor’s convention is Las Vegas and the two of them made Celine Dion an “honorary Alabamian” back stage after taking in her high-dollar show.

Then it was revealed he forget his wallet and, because he needed “money and stuff in Florida,” the state helicopter was dispatched on an errand that cost taxpayers $4,000.

But now there is a picture of the two going to a lavish White House dinner in February, arm in arm, where President Obama’s greeting was, “I want to start by thanking the governors and your loved ones who are here tonight.”

It’s now gotten so bad the news media is identifying Mason as “the defacto First Lady.”

* * *

Here’s one for young mothers to try. Brandie Johnson, the mother of two-year-old twins, was watching them play and decided to conduct a little experiment. So she put her cell phone away and counted the number of times her little boys looked to her for encouragement, safety, approval, her reactions to what they were doing, and so forth.

“If I had been texting, or on the Internet, I would have never noticed the 28 times my boys looked at me for reassurance.

“Please put down your technology and spend some time with your family and loved ones,” she urged on Facebook. “The next generation of children is counting on us to teach them how to be adults … don’t be so busy on social media … you’ll never know who is watching, and what message you are really sending.”

* * *

I think it is pretty neat that Harriet Tubman is going on the $20 bill but you’ll see some other new faces getting on America’s cash. Look for somebody like Eleanor Roosevelt, Sojourner Truth, or women’s suffrage heroine Alice Paul on the $10 bill, while $5 bill leaders will keep Abraham Lincoln on the front yet on the back could be contralto Marian Anderson who was once banned by a “white only” rule or Dr. Martin Luther King, who I think would be a “lock.”

* * *

The horrible flood in Houston sent people scrambling for high ground and, during the melee, one man’s pet attached with the leash still around its neck. Jonathan Gessner was walking down the street in nearby Conroe, Tex., when he came across a full-grown tiger crouched in a menacing position. The tiger pounced all right, putting its paws on Gessner’s shoulders and licking his face with the same affection as a big dog. “I thought it was pretty cool,” the much-relieved Gessner told animal control officers who weren’t quite as amused; it is against the law to own a tiger as a pet in Texas.

* * *

The website Yahoo reports that at the recent spring football game at the University of Georgia, Atlanta rapper Ludacris put on a 15-minute show to stir up the crowd and got paid $65,000 for the gig. But what Ludacris demanded in “benefits” as part of his contract was “ludicrous,” the absurdity only heightened because UGa complied. (After news of this surfaced, football coach Kirby Smart vowed, “We really need to do a better job with our contracts.”)

Here’s what the star of the 15-minute show insisted be in his dressing room:

-- A meal to feed 10 people consisting of grilled chicken, wheat pasta, brown rice, veggies, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, fruit, salad, and, of course, wings.

-- Peanut butter (creamy) and jelly with whole grain wheat bread.

-- Candy (lots)

-- Tazo tea, V8 juice, Snapple, orange juice, cranberry juice, Minute Maid juice boxes, coconut water, and Fiji water

-- Unsalted almonds and trail mix

-- Greek yogurt

-- Fruit roll-ups

-- Liquor — a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, Cognac, vodka, and tequila

-- Toothpaste, toothbrush, clean towels, lotion, Dove soap, hairbrush, Secret deodorant, and an iron and ironing board

-- A box of Trojan Magnum condoms ("Excstacy" model)

* * *

ONE LINERS

JAKE ARRIETTA, the reigning Cy Young winner for the Cubs, pitched a wonderful no-hitter in Chicago’s 16-0 romp over the Reds Thursday night but do you realize he allowed only 61 hits in 125 innings? His earned-run average of 0.65, which comes when you only allow five in the last 13 regular-season starts! Guy threw his fast ball 79 times Thursday night.

FUNNY THING … four other Cy Young pitchers started Thursday night – Dallas Keuchel, David Price, Max Scherzer and Clayton Kershaw. Between the five they gave up 39 hits the night of Arrietta’s gem.

THE TUNNEL that federal agents just found underneath the USA-Mexican border is the longest on record, zigzagging some 874 feet. The agents captured the biggest haul of cocaine ever grabbed at the border – worth $22 million and weighing 2,242 pounds – and there was $4.2 million in marijuana (14,000 pounds) with it.

YANKEE LEFT-FIELDER Aaron Hicks just threw the fastest ball ever measured to home plate, resulting in a tag of the A’s Danny Valencia. Stadium radar – set up for this very thing – clocked his throw at 105.5 miles per hour.

royexum@aol.com

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