Roy Exum
As I walk through my garden on this first day of December I still smell the smoke from our forest fires. I see downed tree branches from the winds. It’s foggy, like we have all been since the Woodmore bus wreck. I fret over three double shootings in 24 hours on a holiday weekend. I haven’t erased the tornado warning on my phone … yet as I see the wet leaves and enough moisture to finally scatter my fall seeds, I’m glad Thanksgiving leftovers remind me of my blessings. Yep, more rain has fallen in the last two days than in the last two months. That’s a blessing. Here’s what else we find:
AN ORCHID to Mark Warren and John Griffin for using their law firm to campaign for seat belts on school buses. We live in a state where an adult can receive a ticket for not wearing a seat belt but our children can’t find one on a school bus. This should not only be a priority but a new law as well.
AN ONION to Mary Beth Haglin, a substitute teacher-turned-stripper in Iowa, who was interviewed by “Dr. Phil” in October and “Bambi” – her stage name -- told him she had slept with a 17-year-old student “hundreds of times.” Trouble is the guys at the station house back in Iowa were watching and each count of “sexual exploiting a minor” is punishable by two years in the cooler. Good luck on that one.
AN ORCHID to the revelation that President-elect Donald Trump won over 2,600 counties nationwide, the most since President Reagan in 1984. Additionally, he won over 200 counties nationwide that Obama won in 2012. America’s liberals need to wake up and smell the coffee.
AN ONION to the bums that are currently circulating a sick picture on the Internet identifying one man as VP-elect Mike Pence to “prove” he is gay; the guy in the gruesome photograph has been identified as pornographic actor Brad Patton.
AN ORCHID to my friends who ask what I want for Christmas. Same as always – just give me a chance.
AN ONION to the fact three critically-burned in the Gatlinburg fire had to be air-lifted to Vanderbilt. How can Erlanger be a Level 1 trauma center and a teaching hospital and have no burn unit? How can Knoxville’s fabulous UT Hospital not have one?
AN ORCHID to Riley Ferguson, the one-time University of Tennessee quarterback who realized he would play little behind the heroic Josh Dobbs so, after he hurt his leg, he quit. Now there is more to the story. The junior from Matthews, N.C., just led Memphis to an 8-4 regular season, which included last Friday’s game-winning touchdown over No. 18 Houston (48-44 final). This season he threw for 3,360 yards, completing 255 passes out of 400 (63.7 %) for 28 touchdowns.
AN ONION for the fact Houston’s brilliant quarterback Greg Ward hit on 47-of-67 passes in the Memphis game for 487 yards and four TDs in the loss.
AN ORCHID to Barack Obama who, when told his approval rating was at an all-time high, had the quip: “The last time I was this high I was trying to decide my major.”
AN ONION for the sad news that Dr. Jim Creel, a much-beloved physician at Erlanger, suffered a fatal heart attack Wednesday morning. He was a giant, serving on the hospital board, heading the ER and magnificently arranging Erlanger’s call center that knows exactly where an ambulance is, an operating room is open, and where beds are available. My deal was deeply personal, be it in the hospital’s wonderful wound center, the ER, or wherever. He got me out of the woods more often than not. This man was special.
AN ORCHID to each fire hall who dispatched firefighters to help in Gatlinburg – Dunlap, Decatur, Cleveland, Athens, Meigs County, Englewood, Bradley County, Chattanooga, Walden’s Ridge, Soddy Daisy, Sequoyah, East Ridge, Dallas Bay, Signal Mountain, and Tri-Community Volunteer.
AN ONION when I realize the Smoky Mountains, Gatlinburg and those who live in that area will need more help in two months than they ever will right now. Please do whatever you can in this, the great Volunteer State. Thus far, eight are dead in the biggest calamity I can ever remember.
AN ORCHID to you when you ask a child under the age of 10, “Why did the turkey join the band?” The kid won’t have a clue so you blurt, “Because he had the drumsticks.” Note: Kids who have never seen you before will eye you suspiciously when you spring it on them.
AN ONION to the absurdity of Wells Fargo & Co. to claim dozens of customers agreed to arbitration when they opened accounts, thus any suit should be settled out of court. Hold it -- the bank opened more than 2 million unauthorized accounts. How in the name of a crook can a customer agree to arbitration without authorizing the account? Wells Fargo agreed to pay $185 million in settlements but why hasn’t Chairman John Stumpf – who resigned – or the retired Carrie Tolstedt been invited to a nice stay in federal prison? This was clearly a criminal act and dropping off $185 million isn’t enough – major corporations should provide a herd of felons.
AN ORCHID for drug regulators in Illinois for jerking the medical license of Indiana M.D. Paul C. Madison. The state of Michigan took his license away last year but he is still operating cash-only pill mills in 10 states that dole out Fentanyl and opioids. Madison still has patients in California, Florida, Iowa, Indiana, Michigan, Minnesota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Tennessee and Wisconsin. He travels a lot.
AN ONION to Oregon, and its lust-driven athletic department who just fired Mark Helfrish as its football coach. Helfrish won the national championship two years ago but when Oregon State beat the Ducks, 34-24, in the land of what-have-you-done-lately, Oregon didn’t even wave goodbye after signing an $11.5 million buyout.
AN ORCHID if you have been one of those who have not watched a pro football game due to the way some players have disrespected our country and our police, it is only fair to let you know the Nashville Titans immediately donated $25,000 to Woodmore Elementary School children who were hurt in the bus wreck.
AN ONION for the reason Dictionary.com’s word of the year is “xenophobia.” It is when increasing fears of “otherness” happen around the world.
AN ORCHID to the fact Christmas Day will be on Sunday this year. I wish Christmas was on Sunday every year because “it fits just right,” you know?
AN ONION to those in East Tennessee who have yet to see that between the bus crash, the tornadoes and the Smoky Mountain fires you won’t find one person who doesn’t appreciate a police officer, a sheriff’s deputy or an emergency responder.
AN ORCHID to the firefighters who rescued Judge Mickey Barker’s precious lab when the dog tumbled off a cliff. The dog is fine. So is Mickey.
royexum@aol.com