Roy Exum: Emails: Funny, But Oh, So Sad

Saturday, January 12, 2013 - by Roy Exum
Roy Exum
Roy Exum

I get gobs of funny emails every day, but among those that came this week, were two that stood out in particular. They were meant to be funny, a little satire if you please, but pretend for a moment you are me, and ask yourself why I didn’t laugh.

* * *

THE EMAIL OF THE YEAR:

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said: ‘Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.

'You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self-esteem and personal pride.

You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.

'You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams. You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.

'You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.

'You want me to do all this, and then you tell me … I CAN'T PRAY?'

* * *

The next email that came showed a picture of an elderly lady laughing real hard as she pointed a pistol. The caption read …

MEDICARE PART X – The New Senior Program

“You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and four bullets. You are allowed to shoot four politicians of your choice.

“Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need! Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They’re all covered.

“As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now. And who will be paying for all of this? It’s the same government that just told you that they cannot afford for you to go into a home.

“And you can get rid of four useless politicians while you are at it. Plus, and because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.

“Is this a great country or what?”

* * *

Who would have ever thought there would come a day when the only thing we can do is laugh about stuff like this?

royexum@aol.com


Senator Alexander: Senate Should Promptly Confirm Betsy DeVos

Democrats desperately are searching for a valid reason to oppose Betsy DeVos for U.S. Education Secretary because they don’t want Americans to know the real reason for their opposition.  That real reason? She has spent more than three decades helping children from low-income families choose a better school. Specifically, Democrats resent her support for allowing tax dollars ... (click for more)

The President Isn't In Charge Of America's Future

Protesters -  Donald is not, and Hillary would not have been, in charge of America's future.  Why worry when the God of the universe is in control.   We Americans need to read and heed 2 Chronicles 7:14.  I'll be first in line.  Judy Morgan Tyner/East Brainerd (click for more)

Partnership With Volkswagen To Establish $1 Million Science Lab Program

Volkswagen Chattanooga officials announced on Tuesday the establishment of a $1 million program that will allow all Hamilton County middle and high schools to apply for funds to create a science lab in their school. Named the Volkswagen eLabs, the program will allow students to gain access to emergent technologies, including automated manufacturing equipment, 3D printers, robotics, ... (click for more)

McReynolds, Brooks Arrested After Police Chase Ends In Crash On Monroe Street; Accord Had Been Stolen From Dealership

Marquis McReynolds, 25, and Jermichael Brooks, 23, were arrested after a police chase on Monday.   A task force including the ATF, FBI, and Chattanooga Police Department officers pursued a stolen vehicle. That pursuit resulted in a traffic crash and the arrest of two convicted felons.   The pursuit began at 5200 Highway 58 just after 7 p.m. after police ... (click for more)

Big McClendon Curtis Leads Central Past Hixson

Central coach Rick Rogers knew this would be a long season for his Purple Pounder basketball team after his top seven players graduated last year. He’s exactly right, but things are headed in the right direction for Rogers as his team improved to 5-10 overall and 3-6 in District 6-AA with a heart-stopping one-point win at Hixson Monday night. That’s two wins in a row and the ... (click for more)

Cleveland, Bradley Central No. 1 And No. 2 In State Wrestling Poll

Now in its 25th year, The Poll is primarily a measure of  dual meet strength  with some consideration to individual tournament strength.   Votes are cast by a state-wide panel of high school wrestling coaches and are based on a maximum Power Ranking of 100%.   STATE POLL:   RANK ... (click for more)